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Thread: You ever hear a Thank You?

  1. #1
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    You ever hear a Thank You?

    now i don't know if there are many guys on here that help support their tg's family or just have done one off nice things for them
    but it kind of dawned on me, i never have heard a thank you and i asked my wife if her mom thanked her, nope!

    we just recently upped the money we send her mom from 15k to 20k. Thailand is much more expensive and most of the money goes to take care of my stepson
    she didn't ask for it, but my wife thought about it when she got back from Thailand and felt she needed to send more and i totally agreed

    but i was thinking the other day, i don't think i have ever had her mom say thank you when we've taken her out for great dinners, or on holiday or anything
    it is like their attitude is that we should be doing this and more!

    i took care of my mom her last 3-4 years of her life. and she thanked me all the time. i mean constantly thanked me. and the big difference was she was a sick 70yr old woman, not a 42yr old woman who decided she didn't want to work anymore( that was before, i am very happy with what she does for my stepson)

    it is just bizarre to me how they operate over there

    PS-Dodger, i guess you could say this is a bit negative view of Thailand, but i promise if they were from Zimbabwe i would being saying the same thing 555

  2. #2
    Senior Member briofoz's Avatar
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    I am always thanked.

  3. #3
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by briofoz View Post
    I am always thanked.
    my MIL is a very stoic person, never shows any emotion
    so maybe that is just her

    i just hope she shows some appreciation to my wife

    she always makes sure the kids say thank you, so maybe it is a pi/nong thing?

  4. #4
    Senior Member Pablo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by briofoz View Post
    I am always thanked.
    same-same here.

  5. #5
    Senior Member kaptainrob's Avatar
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    Offering thanks is NOT a Thai custom until family is made aware that farangs enjoy this custom ... I always get thanked, now.
    Cheers, Rob.

  6. #6
    Yes
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    I have also thought about posting this question,I have been quite amazed by this whole issue.I have never been thanked for anything or shown any kind of gratitude for anything
    since I have been here.This also not about me needing gratitude or thanks for things more the the cultural absence of it.

    So far what I have not been thanked for would be,paying BG much more than the price I negotiated with them,Family support for non BG's,supporting a woman's son for a year through UNI,( when I eventually met him he did not even speak to me let alone say thank you).

    Then we have the GF"s friends come for holidays,their accommodation,taken out for dinner,borrow the car for sightseeing etc.

    presents have included,iPod,several galaxy phones,I pad,I pod dock and speakers,family presents bottles of whiskey for papa,the odd 20k operation.all kinds of small gifts,air tickets,favors,and general helping out.and thats not counting gifts of money.
    Most of this is to non BG's women i have lived with or spent quite a bit of time with.

    Everything has just been taken as if it is absolutely expected,I have had the odd WAI which I suppose in Thai is thank you.

    I have also talked to many felang who seem to have had similar experiences.

    I gave up any expectation of thank you a while ago.

  7. #7
    Senior Member WarProfiteer's Avatar
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    Pretty sure that it's not a natural thing for Thais to thank one another... for Buddhists it's an outward sign of owing someone a debt, I think. I seem to recall reading that somewhere.

    That said, I get thanked by my she-wok still to this day for every single meal I buy... and in return, I thank her for every meal she cooks. It's just sort of our tradition. She says she feels good to be acknowledged for what she's done, so I do it. Common courtesy for us farangs, but I think it's not something the Thais do often...

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    So Kop kuhn ka is bull shit?

  9. #9
    Super Moderator LivinLOS's Avatar
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    As WP says this is why they dont open presents in front of the giver.. Or acknowledge help or favors as much as we would.

    Because it creates boon khun, a debt of gratitude, which in turn can be claimed back and they must fulfill it. Hence the more gratitude they show, the greater the debt they may appear to owe.

    Thats said.. I usually had any assistance and help gratefully received and acknowledged. So its not a fixed thing.
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  10. #10
    Senior Member Geespot's Avatar
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    Always thanked and without doubt there is a debt of gratitude. Possibly recognised position in family has influence on this

    Had non family occasions where people free load and leave without as much as a thank you but tbh not much.

  11. #11
    Super Moderator LivinLOS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Geespot View Post
    Always thanked and without doubt there is a debt of gratitude. Possibly recognised position in family has influence on this
    Theres another aspect in the OPs case..

    If your the breadwinner, contributor, and general support.. You then have more of an elevated role in the power dynamic of the family.. That stage as the parents become dependents and while respected and listened to, no longer perhaps have the final say. So to acknowledge the support given is also to acknowledge a reduced influence / face / power in the household. Something that no matriarch is going to be easy to give up.

  12. #12
    Senior Member geir's Avatar
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    I would say it's two things that don't come easy...Thank you and I'm sorry. Most of the Thais close to me does it as I've been stressing it since day one, but I'm still quite sure it doesn't come from the heart.
    The funny thing is that people working for you tend to wai and say thank you when they get their salary. So they do say thank you for something they have worked hard for and deserve, but not for a gift or weekly/monthly contributions in hard cash.
    A blowjob is better than no job!!

  13. #13
    Senior Member Geespot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LivinLOS View Post
    Theres another aspect in the OPs case..

    If your the breadwinner, contributor, and general support.. You then have more of an elevated role in the power dynamic of the family.. That stage as the parents become dependents and while respected and listened to, no longer perhaps have the final say. So to acknowledge the support given is also to acknowledge a reduced influence / face / power in the household. Something that no matriarch is going to be easy to give up.

    Im executive head of household deffo its been said. But you must give respect to parents and their position at a given age. Dress it up in the ritht way for faces sake
    Last edited by Geespot; 23rd August 2013 at 10:25.

  14. #14
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LivinLOS View Post
    Theres another aspect in the OPs case..

    If your the breadwinner, contributor, and general support.. You then have more of an elevated role in the power dynamic of the family.. That stage as the parents become dependents and while respected and listened to, no longer perhaps have the final say. So to acknowledge the support given is also to acknowledge a reduced influence / face / power in the household. Something that no matriarch is going to be easy to give up.
    her mom absolutely treats me as the head of household, even in her family. her 1st question to my wife if ok by me in all situations
    so maybe that is her way of thanking me of sorts? by giving me that sort of respect?

    i actually really like my MIL, i think she is a real good lady and a great caregiver. she was a bit pushy towards my wife way back in the day but she has settled in and her and my wife have a great relationship( about hours on skype a day!)
    so my question wasn't sort to demean her or thais, it really was a curious question

  15. #15
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Geespot View Post
    Im executive head of household deffo its been said. But you must give respect to parents and their position at a given age. Dress it up in the ritht way for faces sake
    i think that is a given, to respect their parents, and i think my MIL deserves respect, she does a lot of good things for her family
    but i despise her father, just an evil man-child
    so the few times i met him, i just stayed on the other side of the room. didn't outright disrespect him, but i think i made it known i don't condone anything he has done
    but he is rarely in their life anymore, so that is good

  16. #16
    Senior Member geir's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dupree View Post
    So Kop kuhn ka is bull shit?
    Coming from you it's GAY 555
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    A blowjob is better than no job!!

  17. #17
    Senior Member nelsonone's Avatar
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    one thing that always strikes me when looking at footage of the royal family accepting gifts....in most cases they have someone by their side accepting what is offered...and on the odd occasion when they do accept something personally they turn their head and never look the person in the eyes, then hand it off to a minion very quickly

    I remember the father of a friend doing the exact same thing when we visited her village and she gave him 6K (that I had given her of course) to pay for the new rice seedlings...he handed it to the mother without any real acknowledgement in one fell swoop...like it was a hot potato 555

  18. #18
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nelsonone View Post
    one thing that always strikes me when looking at footage of the royal family accepting gifts....in most cases they have someone by their side accepting what is offered...and on the odd occasion when they do accept something personally they turn their head and never look the person in the eyes, then hand it off to a minion very quickly

    I remember the father of a friend doing the exact same thing when we visited her village and she gave him 6K (that I had given her of course) to pay for the new rice seedlings...he handed it to the mother without any real acknowledgement in one fell swoop...like it was a hot potato 555
    Ao was petrified to have to open her xmas gifts from my family in front of them but then i think she really appreciated the warmth associated into it and really liked and appreciated the whole affair
    plus, she got better fcuking presents than i did!! 555

  19. #19
    K2
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    Quote Originally Posted by LivinLOS View Post
    Because it creates boon khun, a debt of gratitude, which in turn can be claimed back and they must fulfill it. Hence the more gratitude they show, the greater the debt they may appear to owe.
    From Japan to India ... and I think the Middle East too this concept is very deeply rooted ...

    Daijob.com :: Reflections on Life in Japan

    Good piece here on Japanese angle on this.
    Its My Life .....!

  20. #20
    Senior Member Bacon's Avatar
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    You're a dog with a bone, Marc. I give you that.
    ןooʇsɹɐq ʎɯ uo ʞɔɐq eɯ ʇnd esɐeןd sıɥʇ pɐeɹ uɐɔ noʎ ɟı

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