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Thread: Jokes ... because smiles make happy people, happier!

  1. #241
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    Super Moderator dawsey's Avatar
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    Waharoa likes this.
    RIP Nicke June 1971 - Jan 2013.

    AT SOME POINT IN LIFE, EVERYONE HAS GAMBLED ON A FART AND LOST.

  3. #243
    Super Moderator dawsey's Avatar
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    RIP Nicke June 1971 - Jan 2013.

    AT SOME POINT IN LIFE, EVERYONE HAS GAMBLED ON A FART AND LOST.

  4. #244
    Super Moderator dawsey's Avatar
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    32484682_10155164395730938_5578240315011104768_n.jpgTopical post for today. Doesn't need explaining to Brits.
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    RIP Nicke June 1971 - Jan 2013.

    AT SOME POINT IN LIFE, EVERYONE HAS GAMBLED ON A FART AND LOST.

  5. #245
    Super Moderator dawsey's Avatar
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    RIP Nicke June 1971 - Jan 2013.

    AT SOME POINT IN LIFE, EVERYONE HAS GAMBLED ON A FART AND LOST.

  6. #246
    Senior Member Pablo's Avatar
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    A Jewish bookie was at the races playing ponies and losing his shirt. He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, that horse - a long shot won the race

    The bookie made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse.

    Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race.

    He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next. He bet big on it, and it won.

    As the races continued the Priest kept blessing horses and each one ended up winning.

    The bookie was elated. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and waited for the Priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

    True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was 100/1. This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag. The bookie knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.

    He watched dumbfounded as the old nag pulled up and couldn't even finish the race. In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was.

    Confronting him, he demanded, 'Father, what happened?' All day long you have blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed never even had a chance. Now, thanks to you, I've lost every cent of my savings!"

    The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy.

    "You are not Catholic are you my son?" "No, I'm Jewish!"

    "That's the problem", said the Priest, "you couldn't tell the difference between a blessing and last rites".






















































































    Last edited by Pablo; 15th June 2018 at 12:02.
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    Progressive Liberalism is a mental disorder, time to M.A.G.A.

  7. #247
    Super Moderator dawsey's Avatar
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    Chinese.jpg.......................
    TLandHim, Dkdude, tnlawyer and 1 others like this.
    RIP Nicke June 1971 - Jan 2013.

    AT SOME POINT IN LIFE, EVERYONE HAS GAMBLED ON A FART AND LOST.

  8. #248
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    Somebody had to protest.
    Attached Images Attached Images
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  9. #249
    Senior Member geir's Avatar
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    I wish people in African would buy more mosquito nets...It would save millions and millions of mosquitoes dying from AIDS!!!!
    obes and Pablo like this.
    A blowjob is better than no job!!

  10. #250
    Super Moderator dawsey's Avatar
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    RIP Nicke June 1971 - Jan 2013.

    AT SOME POINT IN LIFE, EVERYONE HAS GAMBLED ON A FART AND LOST.

  11. #251
    Senior Member Pablo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Captain View Post
    Somebody had to protest.
    I thought this was funny, Captain...as many people mispronounce "duct tape" and insert "duck".



    Girl's floral Duck Tape prom dress may earn her $10K | Fox News

    The above article reminded me however, that there actually is a brand of duct tape called "duck tape". 5555

    https://www.duckbrand.com/
    Last edited by Pablo; 22nd June 2018 at 12:11.
    Progressive Liberalism is a mental disorder, time to M.A.G.A.

  12. #252
    Super Moderator dawsey's Avatar
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    This is a proper prom dress
    93cbe7e8f31caca94cac61d3a87f9fba.jpg
    RIP Nicke June 1971 - Jan 2013.

    AT SOME POINT IN LIFE, EVERYONE HAS GAMBLED ON A FART AND LOST.

  13. #253
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    Three sisters age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
    One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses.
    She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
    The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see."
    She starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells,
    "Was I going up the stairs or coming down?"
    The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea
    listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says,
    "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks
    on wood for good measure. She then yells,
    "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see
    who's at the door."
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  14. #254
    Senior Member Pablo's Avatar
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    I picked up a hitch-hiker one day. We chatted. He seemed like a nice guy.

    After a few miles, he asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might be a serial killer.

    I told him. "No. The odds of two serial killers riding in the same car were extremely unlikely."

    When I stopped for a red light, ..... he got out.


    He seemed like a nice guy ...... hope he found another ride.





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    Progressive Liberalism is a mental disorder, time to M.A.G.A.

  15. #255
    Super Moderator dawsey's Avatar
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    IMG_0658.JPG.................................
    RIP Nicke June 1971 - Jan 2013.

    AT SOME POINT IN LIFE, EVERYONE HAS GAMBLED ON A FART AND LOST.

  16. #256
    Super Moderator dawsey's Avatar
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    One for Kiwi members.



    And
    tnlawyer and Dkdude like this.
    RIP Nicke June 1971 - Jan 2013.

    AT SOME POINT IN LIFE, EVERYONE HAS GAMBLED ON A FART AND LOST.

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