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Thread: not my way of doing things

  1. #1
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    not my way of doing things

    ok, i don't want this to get into a TD bashing thread but i just really want to have a conversation on it because it really does blow my mind

    i read TD once in awhile, it actually has some good general threads and everyone is nice( too nice if you ask me 555)
    i don't post because my views are so different i'd only be a troll

    there was a thread about some guy building a simple house in the village for his wife. actually a really nice thread that i enjoyed following. it really was a simple house in Issan and his wife did a good job
    i wouldn't even know how much it cost, but let's say 15-20kusd

    so all good
    he then discloses he has never been to the village and doesn't have money to pay for her flight back to Australia!

    i started this thread because it is just so much different than i operate
    i mean, 1st, how do you get married w/o ever visiting where your wife lives?
    then how do you pay/build a house someplace you never been?
    then to lay out that money and not have money left for a flight??

    maybe i am bit too conservative in my views and if a guy is happy than that is all that really matters
    but isn't it those guys that are happy, that jump right in, end up meeting the "brother" and getting locked out of a house they built?

    i honestly am not trying to bash the guy and if i was sat having a beer with him, i'd tell him my honest opinion and not in any mean sort of way

  2. #2
    Senior Member briofoz's Avatar
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    What TD are you bashing?

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    I think sometimes guys do these things, the house building, because it's so 'do-able'. $15-20k is within most people's reach if they are working and have access to credit or some savings; it's not a scary sum. It's always done with best intentions as well I guess, dreams of living out their days with a cute chick half their age etc., whether they have been or not is not neccessarily relevant.

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    Marrying someone who's family you have never met doesn't seem like the biggest of deals to me, you marry the girl not the family. Not everyone has the same attachment to family.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Steve@thaib View Post
    Marrying someone who's family you have never met doesn't seem like the biggest of deals to me, you marry the girl not the family. Not everyone has the same attachment to family.
    In thailand? You might want to do a bit more reading about this...55

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    Don't need to read about it, I've done it. I know how important family is to Thai people but, as I said, not everyone shares their attachment to family.

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    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steve@thaib View Post
    I think sometimes guys do these things, the house building, because it's so 'do-able'. $15-20k is within most people's reach if they are working and have access to credit or some savings; it's not a scary sum. It's always done with best intentions as well I guess, dreams of living out their days with a cute chick half their age etc., whether they have been or not is not neccessarily relevant.
    i think that is the case, and hey if the world goes tits up he has a house to stay in

    but i do think it is a lot of these guys that do this because they find it "doable" really isn't doable when you are left with no money?

  8. #8
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steve@thaib View Post
    Marrying someone who's family you have never met doesn't seem like the biggest of deals to me, you marry the girl not the family. Not everyone has the same attachment to family.
    for me, i would want to know where my wife came from so i could know her better and that does include knowing her family well

    but like i said, maybe i should have a little more "fcuk it" attitude
    but in the same breath most middle aged guys who have the fcuk it attutude are the ones who can't lay out 10kusd w/o it hurting them

  9. #9
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by briofoz View Post
    What TD are you bashing?
    Thai Dreaming, but not bashing it

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    It's do-able in the sense that it's done, the house gets built. It tends to go wrong because his and her idea of what the future looks like are very different but the house gets built so it's an achievement for him in many ways.

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    Quote Originally Posted by marc26 View Post
    for me, i would want to know where my wife came from so i could know her better and that does include knowing her family well

    but like i said, maybe i should have a little more "fcuk it" attitude
    but in the same breath most middle aged guys who have the fcuk it attutude are the ones who can't lay out 10kusd w/o it hurting them
    I think different cultures have different family values and individuals see family differently. To some, family is just a collection of people who happen to be related by birth. Not everyone feels family obligations deeply ( I don't )
    beuk likes this.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Thin White Duke's Avatar
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    Funny that feel exactly the same way.

    All warm and fuzzy....but not sure it's to your best advantage all back slapping each other and agreeing on everything.

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    Super Moderator LivinLOS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steve@thaib View Post
    It's do-able in the sense that it's done, the house gets built. It tends to go wrong because his and her idea of what the future looks like are very different but the house gets built so it's an achievement for him in many ways.
    I would consider it an achievement for her, an outlay for him

    Like its said, its a gift.. Maybe a gift beyond his means, maybe a gift he didnt fully know he was 'giving' perhaps he thought (thinks, maybe it will) was for sharing and an 'investment'.. But I consider putting some bricks and mortar down in her village, for her, a lot better than buying her a shiny rock with 3 months of your total income !!

    You (marc26) constantly say how you you want to advance your wifes life.. Through growth.. Well some of these guys have got old enough and the girl is too rural and farm girl to really fit into the western lives they have... So this is 'growing' her life, back in the rural environment shes from. Maybe it all works out and he can slot into living with her full time or part time, maybe it doesnt, and she has something left from it and he will moan how he got ripped off by sneaky Thais..

  14. #14
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LivinLOS View Post

    Like its said, its a gift.. Maybe a gift beyond his means, maybe a gift he didnt fully know he was 'giving' perhaps he thought (thinks, maybe it will) was for sharing and an 'investment'.. But I consider putting some bricks and mortar down in her village, for her, a lot better than buying her a shiny rock with 3 months of your total income !!

    You (marc26) constantly say how you you want to advance your wifes life.. Through growth.. Well some of these guys have got old enough and the girl is too rural and farm girl to really fit into the western lives they have... So this is 'growing' her life, back in the rural environment shes from. Maybe it all works out and he can slot into living with her full time or part time, maybe it doesnt, and she has something left from it and he will moan how he got ripped off by sneaky Thais..
    as i said, i thought the house was great, especially when it is on land you don't have to purchase and fill in......which looks like in this case
    and he is obviously happy

    but then you find out he's never been there and it is just shocking to me because it is a total different way of how i operate
    as for growing my wife's life.....yes if we stay in the west or even go live somewhere else besides Thailand, i do think it is important for her to have those strides
    but if we got divorced tomorrow, i'd still buy her a house
    the personal thing with us is that none of her immediate family live in the village and if we are going to live in Thailand somewhere besides BKK( which i think we will) then it makes no sense to buy her mom a townhouse that she may not live in after 4-5 years because she'd want her mom near her
    i guess we could always rent the townhouse in BKK out or pay a little more or buy a townhouse i deem suitable and use that as a BKK place to stay because even if we live in Hua Hin( well especially if we do) i plan on being in BKK often

    but even then i would only buy a townhouse in a place i knew and are familiar with but then we talking 5-6mil instead of 500-700kbaht that guy probably laid out

  15. #15
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    i may start to look at things a bit differently, not as drastic as this guy though

    i think i put too much reason into things and sometimes it is better just to do it....i guess

    i am not one that is dreaming of when i can live in Thailand. If i were, i do wonder how much it would take me to make the jump
    would i do it with 300k in the bank in look for a job( i don't think so) or would i wait for 1mil or 2mil or 1.5mil
    something to be said for having your ducks in a row but also something very much to be said for saying screw it, and doing it
    but then you read about half those guys not even having money to get home and your back to worrying about how much you have to get by
    i think too much 555
    Last edited by LivinLOS; 7th July 2013 at 18:12.

  16. #16
    Senior Member briofoz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marc26 View Post
    Thai Dreaming, but not bashing it
    Wasn't sure if it was Teak Door or Thai Dreaming.

  17. #17
    Senior Member geir's Avatar
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    I think I would have waited with the house building until I was ready to move or at least spend half the year there. But I know other guys as well that are building houses in Thailand while they're only renting a flat in their home countries......I don't get that at all!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by geir View Post
    I think I would have waited with the house building until I was ready to move or at least spend half the year there. But I know other guys as well that are building houses in Thailand while they're only renting a flat in their home countries......I don't get that at all!!
    Then there are guys who make their first visit to the village and meet the family many years after being married/partnered.
    Up2U 555!

    You can build a small house in Isaan (if the land is "free") for less than the annual rent on a flat in Perth or Sydney or London or ...
    Then when he's moved the rent saved can equal the annual C.O.L. here.
    Last edited by Evilbaz; 1st May 2013 at 10:13.

  19. #19
    Super Moderator LivinLOS's Avatar
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    But someone who is so on the edge financially, means they have to remain in the rented flat anyway to work there as they have little chance of enough assets to retire to the house.

  20. #20
    Senior Member geir's Avatar
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    But why not sit on the money and wait, you can get a house built in less than 2 months here.
    Get your life sorted where you work first and then think of a holiday/retirement home later......

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