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Thread: Trainwreck waiting to happen.

  1. #41
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Evilbaz View Post
    That's a bit disparaging for a waitress, who when given a chance, is able to get to PhD status.

    At least she's not working as a hooker like many western students 555!
    of course, i commend her
    although i would question what a PhD is worth from a Thai university based on 2 girls i know who have masters from Thai universities and are dumb as rocks
    and by the way, at least those hookers and strippers were actually working while in school, this girl got to live in luxury and be a professional student( good for her!)

    but to even justify giving that kind of sin sot is ludicrous, especially given her "status" which seems what a lot of people base sin sot on

    by the way, my wife is a waitress, i have respect for waitresses of all levels, i am just not giving them 3 1/2million USD!! 555

  2. #42
    Senior Member WarProfiteer's Avatar
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    The she-wok is from Roi Et. Hahaaa...

    My response whenever the sin sot question would come up was "How much would a Thai man pay?"

    With the follow on question always being "Why should I pay then?"

    But these days, I see it more as one of those "up to them" things, meaning each individual should decide if it's worth it to him to keep the peace. For me, I've always said if I got married I'd do a damn drive-thru wedding in Vegas. Or just go get the stupid paper done by the local authority for these matters. No big expensive ceremony. No religious figure there acting like I need his faith's approval. Screw all that! But now I see, meh, sometimes ya give a little ground to keep the peace and it's up to everyone to kind of figure out for themselves what ground they'll give.

    Is a silly 100K baht worth it if it stops the gal ya love from having to defend you to the family, and it keeps the family from causing problems? What's the price ya put on that? 50K? 200K? Everyone has to figure that out for themselves, according to their individual situation.
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  3. #43
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarProfiteer View Post
    Is a silly 100K baht worth it if it stops the gal ya love from having to defend you to the family, and it keeps the family from causing problems? What's the price ya put on that? 50K? 200K? Everyone has to figure that out for themselves, according to their individual situation.
    you pay that 100k, you are setting a precedent.....don't kid yourself
    you've given into their demands, so they see you as a mark since she wouldn't get sin sot from a thai man in that situation( having a kid, possibly married before?)
    you have said that her parents are crap, so why even entertain them?

    i am not saying people should not give sin sot, but believe me.....from what i have seen the 100k or so just opens you up for later demands

    just think about it. if your gf tells her family you are not giving sin sot but she loves you and still wants to marry you and she doesn't want to hear them whine about it
    doesn't that set the boundaries that you are not an easy mark and also makes a statement from the girl?
    people are always saying that thai families come 1st over farang husband. but if the girl makes a stand against her family( who wouldn't receive sin sot from a thai in a similar situation) isn't she making a statement that she does value her relationship over her family, to a point? she is telling her family that her husbands interests are on par with her families
    if you think that is a real issue, the family causing problems, and then give them money.....don't you think that shows them if they apply enough pressure, make enough problems, that they can get more money later by applying the same pressure, and causing the same problems?

    i know 2 guys who gave decent sin sots( one 500k, the other 300k) thinking that it would "keep the peace" and be sort of a one time payment have been hounded and extorted by the girl's family
    believe me, if a family is making problems, they will not then appreciate you for making that sin sot payment
    Last edited by marc26; 19th June 2013 at 10:27.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by marc26 View Post
    you pay that 100k, you are setting a precedent.....don't kid yourself
    you've given into their demands, so they see you as a mark since she wouldn't get sin sot from a thai man in that situation( having a kid, possibly married before?)
    you have said that her parents are crap, so why even entertain them?

    i am not saying people should not give sin sot, but believe me.....from what i have seen the 100k or so just opens you up for later demands

    just think about it. if your gf tells her family you are not giving sin sot but she loves you and still wants to marry you and she doesn't want to hear them whine about it
    doesn't that set the boundaries that you are not an easy mark and also makes a statement from the girl?
    people are always saying that thai families come 1st over farang husband. but if the girl makes a stand against her family( who wouldn't receive sin sot from a thai in a similar situation) isn't she making a statement that she does value her relationship over her family, to a point? she is telling her family that her husbands interests are on par with her families
    if you think that is a real issue, the family causing problems, and then give them money.....don't you think that shows them if they apply enough pressure, make enough problems, that they can get more money later by applying the same pressure, and causing the same problems?

    i know 2 guys who gave decent sin sots( one 500k, the other 300k) thinking that it would "keep the peace" and be sort of a one time payment have been hounded and extorted by the girl's family
    believe me, if a family is making problems, they will not then appreciate you for making that sin sot payment
    What a load of crap.

    Show me a non-westernized, non-hardcore TG who will tell their family, pre-marriage/de facto, that they matter less than you.!

    Not even you wife, from your comments.

    Do some reading Paulie and try to understand that the whole world doesn't comply with your narrow-minded Beaner views 555! Not even your peers!

    Kreng Jai in Thailand| Thailand's Kreng Jai Culture
    Last edited by Evilbaz; 19th June 2013 at 10:44.

  5. #45
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Evilbaz View Post
    What a load of crap.

    Show me a non-westernized, non-hardcore TG who will tell their family, pre-marriage/de facto, that they matter less than you.!

    Not even you wife, from your comments.

    Do some reading Paulie and try to understand that the whole world doesn't comply with your narrow-minded Beaner views 555! Not even your peers!

    Kreng Jai in Thailand| Thailand's Kreng Jai Culture
    funny that you link something to Thai culture when giving a girl who was married before or had a child sin sot is not done in Thai culture!
    that is my whole point
    these girls are pushing guys to pay sin sot under the guise of it being part of their culture when that is factual wrong when they've been married or had a child before

    you are linking something about Kreng Jai, but by a family pressuring a girl to get sin sot from a farang in a situation she wouldn't get from a thai man, that is taking the piss
    so how can you offend someone or their tradition/culture when they are bending the rules of their traditions/culture?

    my view is not narrow Baz, it is just educated and well read.i don't take things preached as gospel
    you can do that and still show respect
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  6. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by marc26 View Post
    to a waitress
    A good waitress is difficult to find in Thailand. Ask any restaurant holder.

  7. #47
    Senior Member WarProfiteer's Avatar
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    I see where Pauly is coming from and as I said, I used to totally feel the same way. But these days, meh, it's just not that big of a deal to me. I honestly dont care if someone pays no sin sot or pays 10 million baht. Up to them.

    Agreed that the original premise, and under the original sort of guidelines for these things mean that a TG with a kid would get no sin sot from a Thai man. Hell, she's lucky if she can even find one that'll be her boyfriend. But things have probably changed from decades of farangs paying the sin sot regardless of if she's had a kid, been married, worked the bar, whatever. Most people's frame of reference for what's right and wrong is generally "What's normal for the here and now?". Used to be that girls in Europe were married at 14 or 15... now that's not the case and we'd think of a 14 year old getting married as abnormal. So it goes with sin sot, imo. There's the original idea of it (what used to be) and what it is now after several decades of farangs paying.

    I dont think paying it will ever keep the family from not asking for money in the future, I just think it'll at least minimize the chances of them causing problems with the wedding itself. Lets face it, the wedding really aint about us guys most of the time... it's done for the girl. And if some small amount of money is paid to keep the peace for that so she can really enjoy it, then that's fine.

    I see both sides of it and I used to be ardently against it. Now I've softened my position a little and will say that if it's money that's easily affordable to you and it allows the woman in your life to avoid a lot of fighting with the family on her wedding day, then so be it. Even more so if the money will come back to her secretly after the ceremony.
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  8. #48
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Captain View Post
    A good waitress is difficult to find in Thailand. Ask any restaurant holder.
    if she was a good waitress, then the restaurant should get a piece of the sin sot for losing her productivity( for the sin sot experts, that is one reason for paying sin sot)

  9. #49
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarProfiteer View Post
    I see where Pauly is coming from and as I said, I used to totally feel the same way. But these days, meh, it's just not that big of a deal to me. I honestly dont care if someone pays no sin sot or pays 10 million baht. Up to them.

    Agreed that the original premise, and under the original sort of guidelines for these things mean that a TG with a kid would get no sin sot from a Thai man. Hell, she's lucky if she can even find one that'll be her boyfriend. But things have probably changed from decades of farangs paying the sin sot regardless of if she's had a kid, been married, worked the bar, whatever. Most people's frame of reference for what's right and wrong is generally "What's normal for the here and now?". Used to be that girls in Europe were married at 14 or 15... now that's not the case and we'd think of a 14 year old getting married as abnormal. So it goes with sin sot, imo. There's the original idea of it (what used to be) and what it is now after several decades of farangs paying.

    I dont think paying it will ever keep the family from not asking for money in the future, I just think it'll at least minimize the chances of them causing problems with the wedding itself. Lets face it, the wedding really aint about us guys most of the time... it's done for the girl. And if some small amount of money is paid to keep the peace for that so she can really enjoy it, then that's fine.

    I see both sides of it and I used to be ardently against it. Now I've softened my position a little and will say that if it's money that's easily affordable to you and it allows the woman in your life to avoid a lot of fighting with the family on her wedding day, then so be it. Even more so if the money will come back to her secretly after the ceremony.
    i am in no way saying someone is foolish in paying sin sot if it is within reason for them
    my reply to you is with your reasoning( which isn't bad reasoning, face value) just be aware that it can lead to more requests, that's all


    by the way, i think it absolutely foolish when someone has been married before or both have been married before in the states, and they then have this lavish, traditional ceremony
    i actually like a nice wedding ceremony, in any country, just think it should be a one time deal
    so i am sort of a "one time only" thinker when it comes to these traditions

  10. #50
    Senior Member nelsonone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarProfiteer View Post

    Agreed that the original premise, and under the original sort of guidelines for these things mean that a TG with a kid would get no sin sot from a Thai man. Hell, she's lucky if she can even find one that'll be her boyfriend. But things have probably changed from decades of farangs paying the sin sot regardless of if she's had a kid, been married, worked the bar, whatever. Most people's frame of reference for what's right and wrong is generally "What's normal for the here and now?"..
    so to me it it is not sin soht in this instance but a farang tax seeing it would not be expected of any Thai man, i have no issue with it if someone is willing to pay it however to call it sin soht in this case in disingenuous
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  11. #51
    Senior Member slampay's Avatar
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    Farang Tax.....

    May I please borrow this? 555

  12. #52
    Senior Member WarProfiteer's Avatar
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    Farang Tax...

    (after he drinks heavily in some bar & starts home with a gal) "Oh look, a gold shop..."

  13. #53
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ub2yoo View Post
    sounds a bit like a bar fine?
    irnoically, so does sin sot in most cases we know!! 555

  14. #54
    Senior Member beuk's Avatar
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    So also like a leasing contract. You get to lease her for a period of time.
    Stress is when you wake up screaming realizing you weren't sleeping.

  15. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by sundancekid View Post
    May seem archaic to us, but it's not that long ago we had the same practice as well, right? Have not checked, but would think it is more common around the world than not. Curious to know.
    However the idea of anyone in Thailand paying sinsot on some well used farmers daughter whose already married and had kids.. Has no basis in any Thai system.

  16. #56
    Super Moderator LivinLOS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Evilbaz View Post
    What a load of crap.

    Show me a non-westernized, non-hardcore TG who will tell their family, pre-marriage/de facto, that they matter less than you.!

    Not even you wife, from your comments.
    Erm.. Many..

    they set the terms... The family agree.. Many do sinsots purely for show, a face thing.. Show this amount, give it back after the party on the quiet.

  17. #57
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    I don't really know why we bother trying to figure out thai culture as it relates to Sin Sot.
    You could be taking the main income source away while the family is still in debt. Likely you won't be told the details.
    If you are taking on a 40 yo divorcee with two kids and the family are doing ok, should you be asked to pay?
    And even If you don't want to pay what is being asked, then don't. You can probably get over it if she walks.......can't you?
    Some men pay big money simply because it makes them feel better. Bit of an ego thing. Not saying its right or wrong.
    You won't see too many Thais refusing the money in marriage situations even if it is symbolic. Why would they?

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