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Thread: 7 year crises

  1. #21
    Super Moderator LivinLOS's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marc26 View Post
    this is the sort of the crux of our issues, but not to that extreme
    i think i have wrote it on here before
    i think my wife has a touch of depression or something
    it just seems her base starts unhappy and she has admitted that herself
    i wake up pretty happy and need events to make me unhappy
    it seems she wakes up unhappy and needs events to make her happy

    so one week she is complaining she doesn't have enough work, then she works a full day and comes home with an attitude like a snake
    You just describe 90 per cent of the women I have known..

    I put up with a lot from various women, my mother included, costs, complexity, hand holding needed... But I have zero tolerance for stinky attitude.. Sure everyone can have a bad day, but don't take it out on me..

    As to depression.. Too much up close and personal experience sadly.. But like you I am a pretty upbeat person, too much I want to do to be down about things..

  2. #22
    Senior Member sundancekid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by slimbag View Post
    I seem to hit a rough patch at the 7 months mark, years seem like a really long commitment to the same girl 555
    So doing it the doggy style, eh?

  3. #23
    Senior Member beuk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marc26 View Post
    so one week she is complaining she doesn't have enough work, then she works a full day and comes home with an attitude like a snake
    Mine always complains about having work or either finding work. When she doesn't workn she complains I want to work. Good on ya.
    When she has work she comes home complaining about the work or the hours or this or that.
    Stress is when you wake up screaming realizing you weren't sleeping.

  4. #24
    Senior Member geir's Avatar
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    And another thing that is hard to handle.....The temper around the "monthly" is getting worse and worse....and last longer.
    I'm not even sure she is depressed, but everything seem to be my fault and sometimes she loose the plot and call me names even in public. That's a serious issue for me as I don't like other people doing their dirty laundry in public......It's about respect to the one you are close to and others....

  5. #25
    Senior Member beuk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by geir View Post
    And another thing that is hard to handle.....The temper around the "monthly" is getting worse and worse....and last longer.
    I'm not even sure she is depressed, but everything seem to be my fault and sometimes she loose the plot and call me names even in public. That's a serious issue for me as I don't like other people doing their dirty laundry in public......It's about respect to the one you are close to and others....
    Got some pills for that. No more monthly periods, no more aggetating behaviour.
    geir likes this.
    Stress is when you wake up screaming realizing you weren't sleeping.

  6. #26
    Senior Member WarProfiteer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by geir View Post
    And another thing that is hard to handle.....The temper around the "monthly" is getting worse and worse....and last longer.
    I'm not even sure she is depressed, but everything seem to be my fault and sometimes she loose the plot and call me names even in public. That's a serious issue for me as I don't like other people doing their dirty laundry in public......It's about respect to the one you are close to and others....
    I hate to say this because it's a Dr Phil McGraw concept, but I find it's very true... you teach people how to treat you by what you accept or dont accept.

    We were in Rider's Corner one afternoon, the she-wok and I, just getting some food to go. I like the burgers there. Best in town, imo. So I sometimes get them to go. Well, it was hot. And for some unknown reason, that corner bar seems to attract 90% of all the mosquitoes in Chiang Mai. And to compound all this, it was the PMS time. So the she-wok had just a hint of an attitude problem. I looked her right in the eye and said "we are in public and your attitude sucks right now. If it's that much of a problem that you want to make yourself and me look bad, walk out to the road and take a tuk-tuk home". Her eyes bulged but she said nothing. We got home and after an hour of silence, she came into the room and said "I'm sorry, you were right, I wasnt being a nice girl... I dont know why I did that, but I'm sorry".

    I swear, sometimes it's like they push just to see if we'll tolerate it. A test. And if you do put up with it, then next time it will be pushed further.

    People are amazed to hear that after living together for nearly 2 years, we've never had a single fight. We've never even raised our voices at one another. She has let me know in her Thai way when I'm pushing too far and in return I've told her flatly (though without anger or getting emotional) when she is pushing it. Because of this, things never seem to escalate beyond the "mildly annoyed" stage. I honestly attribute it to teaching the other person what's acceptable and what isnt... and not looking the other way when lines get crossed. You dont have to flip out or yell in public or go apeshit, but you can tell someone frankly when they're not acting appropriately.

    Just one guy's theory on the internet, so take it as being worth all that you paid to hear it...
    K2 likes this.

  7. #27
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    only been married 3 years but no real big fights, just small nonsense that's usually sorted out within a day. we have a agreement not to fight in front of the baby so that helps as she pretty much with us all the time. she also never fights with me in front of people as i would snap and have let her know this. her version of moaning seems to be, keep quiet and jump in front of facebook for a couple of hours. in fact that nearly pisses me off more than fighting,maybe she knows that 555.

  8. #28
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by beuk View Post
    Mine always complains about having work or either finding work. When she doesn't workn she complains I want to work. Good on ya.
    When she has work she comes home complaining about the work or the hours or this or that.
    i was going to right this a long time before in a post but this is a good time to discuss it

    sometimes i feel like my wife acts like she is a martyr or she just likes to bitch and moan
    she will work 36hrs for the week and act like she was working 80hrs in the mines
    all the while discounting that my alarm goes off at 4:45am to go to work everyday

    but the weird thing is you think that attitude would translate to her being a bad worker but she is an increidbly hard worker
    i see her at the restaurant and she busts her ass way more than anyone else
    her cleaning clients love her

    maybe as a thai girl she feels sort of entilted or that real life doesn't apply to her?
    i think that is the crux of the matter................i think some thai girls have an immaturity when viewing real life issues

    ex) my stepson needs a printer for his homework. fair enough and i always provide for him willingly
    but in her house in BKK they have a 4yr old laptop and a Ipad
    she tells me he needs a whole new home computer
    i told her that we can just buy him a printer and no need for a computer and of course i get the pouting

  9. #29
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarProfiteer View Post
    We were in Rider's Corner one afternoon, the she-wok and I, just getting some food to go. I like the burgers there. Best in town, imo. So I sometimes get them to go. Well, it was hot. And for some unknown reason, that corner bar seems to attract 90% of all the mosquitoes in Chiang Mai. And to compound all this, it was the PMS time. So the she-wok had just a hint of an attitude problem. I looked her right in the eye and said "we are in public and your attitude sucks right now. If it's that much of a problem that you want to make yourself and me look bad, walk out to the road and take a tuk-tuk home". Her eyes bulged but she said nothing. We got home and after an hour of silence, she came into the room and said "I'm sorry, you were right, I wasnt being a nice girl... I dont know why I did that, but I'm sorry".

    I swear, sometimes it's like they push just to see if we'll tolerate it. A test. And if you do put up with it, then next time it will be pushed further.

    ...
    one time we went to dinner
    i spent about 120cad
    we were walking home and i asked her a question and she misunderstood it and flew off the handle and ruined the whole night
    so i made her give me half the money for dinner!! 555

    i flat out told her, if she was going to ruin the night, i wasn't going to pay for the whole thing!

  10. #30
    Senior Member WarProfiteer's Avatar
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    I gotta admit, I MUCH prefer the silence when annoyed over the b!tching and moaning I got from most of my g/f's in the west. So much more of a peaceful way to handle it. And if I stubbornly feel I'm in the right, I'll go have a beer or a game of pool somewhere and prudently ignore said pouting. Mostly I just stay in another room, cut on an old movie or open a book or take a nap. Basically let her simmer down, then we can talk about it.

    Honestly, in this thread I feel like I am making it seem like it's a common thing. In truth, in our r/ship it isnt. Maybe once every few weeks at most I get her being quiet. There's only been two times in 2 years I've said anything directly to her to let her know her behavior wasnt acceptable, and neither time was anything at all said back to me until much later- when it was an apology. So at least for me, at the 2 year point, it's very easy and drama free, no jealousy, no arguing, no BS really... and I attribute a lot of that to clearly talking about rules, boundaries and expectations up front before the r/ship ever began. In return, she gave me a few rules of her own which were somewhat mirrors of my own rules (no possessiveness, no ridiculing, if you have a problem with something I did you tell me like you're explaining it so I can understand, not just vent). her only other thing was that she may ask my opinion on her family issues, but in the end it's her decision on how best to deal with them.

    I really think that between that, and stopping poor behaviors the very first time they manifest, it heads off a lot of problems for us...

  11. #31
    Senior Member WarProfiteer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marc26 View Post
    one time we went to dinner
    i spent about 120cad
    we were walking home and i asked her a question and she misunderstood it and flew off the handle and ruined the whole night
    so i made her give me half the money for dinner!! 555

    i flat out told her, if she was going to ruin the night, i wasn't going to pay for the whole thing!
    FLOL! I want to high five you for that. Hahaaahahaaa...

    That's the thing... I sometimes see guys put up with atrocious behavior from gals... the kind of thing that if their buddy did they hit him right in face... but when a woman does it, they just tolerate it. Obviously ya shouldnt be hitting your gal in the face, but you dont have to be a damn carpet to be walked all over either... stand up for yourself and let them know it isnt OK to act like that.

  12. #32
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarProfiteer View Post
    I gotta admit, I MUCH prefer the silence when annoyed over the b!tching and moaning I got from most of my g/f's in the west. So much more of a peaceful way to handle it. And if I stubbornly feel I'm in the right, I'll go have a beer or a game of pool somewhere and prudently ignore said pouting. Mostly I just stay in another room, cut on an old movie or open a book or take a nap. Basically let her simmer down, then we can talk about it.

    ...
    i think that is the height of childness but some have your view
    i know Mai Chob had a very good way of just going about his business when hos gf would do the pouting/silent thing

  13. #33
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    So...you guys gettin' any? 555

  14. #34
    Super Moderator dawsey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LivinLOS View Post
    Yeap count me in for a year 7 fuck up..

    Mine tho.. Less hers..
    Me too. All my fault though. Jeez, it was 34yrs ago too 555
    I've managed 31yrs with the latest wife
    RIP Nicke June 1971 - Jan 2013.

    AT SOME POINT IN LIFE, EVERYONE HAS GAMBLED ON A FART AND LOST.

  15. #35
    Senior Member slampay's Avatar
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    As I age, being single is more and more the best option. When I get the blues, and I do occasionally, I just remember the BAD times I've been through. Smelling salts for the soul?

    And Paul, I like your "I wake up happy, it takes an event too crap me out"...I'm para-phrasing, but I like that attitude.

  16. #36
    Senior Member WarProfiteer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dupree View Post
    So...you guys gettin' any? 555
    I get raped every 3 days or so... one doesnt resist a determined she-wok...

  17. #37
    Senior Member geir's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WarProfiteer View Post
    I hate to say this because it's a Dr Phil McGraw concept, but I find it's very true... you teach people how to treat you by what you accept or dont accept.

    We were in Rider's Corner one afternoon, the she-wok and I, just getting some food to go. I like the burgers there. Best in town, imo. So I sometimes get them to go. Well, it was hot. And for some unknown reason, that corner bar seems to attract 90% of all the mosquitoes in Chiang Mai. And to compound all this, it was the PMS time. So the she-wok had just a hint of an attitude problem. I looked her right in the eye and said "we are in public and your attitude sucks right now. If it's that much of a problem that you want to make yourself and me look bad, walk out to the road and take a tuk-tuk home". Her eyes bulged but she said nothing. We got home and after an hour of silence, she came into the room and said "I'm sorry, you were right, I wasnt being a nice girl... I dont know why I did that, but I'm sorry".

    I swear, sometimes it's like they push just to see if we'll tolerate it. A test. And if you do put up with it, then next time it will be pushed further.

    People are amazed to hear that after living together for nearly 2 years, we've never had a single fight. We've never even raised our voices at one another. She has let me know in her Thai way when I'm pushing too far and in return I've told her flatly (though without anger or getting emotional) when she is pushing it. Because of this, things never seem to escalate beyond the "mildly annoyed" stage. I honestly attribute it to teaching the other person what's acceptable and what isnt... and not looking the other way when lines get crossed. You dont have to flip out or yell in public or go apeshit, but you can tell someone frankly when they're not acting appropriately.

    Just one guy's theory on the internet, so take it as being worth all that you paid to hear it...
    I can't recall any fights in the first 3-4 years we was together. And loosing it in public only happened twice so far (both recently) I've told her off both times and let her know it's not acceptable. I also let her know that I've hit the limit of what I can take and that she has to change back to who she was before.
    I have to add to her justice that she has some hormonal problems and been on medication for about 3 years. Makes it harder to call it the day + that I don't want to start all over again and train a new one 555

  18. #38
    Super Moderator dawsey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by geir View Post
    I have to add to her justice that she has some hormonal problems and been on medication for about 3 years. Makes it harder to call it the day + that I don't want to start all over again and train a new one 555
    And there you have it Geir! As menopause approaches, a womans hormones are all over the place.I have witnessed this myself and there are some tough times ahead for you both. I assume Joy's medication is HRT (Hormone replacement therapy). Stick with it mate, things will get better but could take some time. Got to be better than training another 555
    RIP Nicke June 1971 - Jan 2013.

    AT SOME POINT IN LIFE, EVERYONE HAS GAMBLED ON A FART AND LOST.

  19. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by geir View Post
    I can't recall any fights in the first 3-4 years we was together. And loosing it in public only happened twice so far (both recently) I've told her off both times and let her know it's not acceptable. I also let her know that I've hit the limit of what I can take and that she has to change back to who she was before.
    I have to add to her justice that she has some hormonal problems and been on medication for about 3 years. Makes it harder to call it the day + that I don't want to start all over again and train a new one 555
    I saw this in a movie. You and Joy should switch roles to see how you each perceive each other. You go first and pretend you're Joy and speak to her like she speaks to you. Then it's her turn. I don't know what's supposed to happen after that..

  20. #40
    Senior Member marc26's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by geir View Post
    I can't recall any fights in the first 3-4 years we was together. And loosing it in public only happened twice so far (both recently) I've told her off both times and let her know it's not acceptable. I also let her know that I've hit the limit of what I can take and that she has to change back to who she was before.
    I have to add to her justice that she has some hormonal problems and been on medication for about 3 years. Makes it harder to call it the day + that I don't want to start all over again and train a new one 555
    add to the fact that you guys work together 24/7 for 6-8months
    that adds to it

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